Author: Jim Ellwanger

You know, I didn’t even mention the Fox Sports Net promo in which the burglars are ransacking a house, but stop and put all the stuff back after they spy…some Devil Rays autographed collector’s items. At the end of the spot, the burglars leave a note: “Sorry about the window.”

I’m pretty sure this is a promo used in every FSN region, with the only difference being a different team’s merchandise in the point-of-view shot. But, really, shouldn’t Fox Sports Net Florida have also re-edited it so that the note read “Sorry about the Devil Rays”?

But it’s all moot, as far as I’m concerned, now that I informed a DirecTV “entertainment consultant” of my sincere desire to not have my DirecTV bill go up by $35.00 a month after my introductory period ends. I think it’s a little creepy that they can take away channels instantly while you’re still on the phone with them (it seems to take hours, if not days, for the cable company to make changes). Kind of makes you wonder what else they can take away.

Actually, as I understand it, the MLB pay-per-view package is probably going to be free for the first week of the season, so maybe I’ll end up watching a Devil Rays regular-season game, assuming every other game being played simultaneously is in a rain delay (or snow delay) and my TiVo has failed to record any “Match Game” episodes recently.

The best episode of "Clubhouse" ever

Hanger-on Sandy passed along this story. It seems that Kris Benson’s wife Anna has already thought through what she’s going to do if he cheats on her. I can’t speak for the married half of baseballrelated.com, but as far as the single half is concerned, this is the first time being a Mets batboy has ever seemed like a good idea.

This is Anna Benson. (Don’t worry, the picture is reasonably safe for work.)

Now, what about Mrs. Jose Lima?

Original comments…

Dan: I should have passed this story along earlier.. The Stern interview was about two weeks ago. She’s insane, and now with Pedro on board, his little friend is fair game. Among other people, I believe, who shall remain nameless.

I’ve already wanted to float the Mets clubhouse reality show — between her, Pedro and accompanying midget, Mike Piazza and his debated sexuality… I WANT Sammy here, not even to play but to add to the comedy.

Levi: Hmm. The timing on this story does make me wonder about Pedro’s motives for becoming a Met.

maura: i’d probably steer clear of mrs. lima for now…

http://msn.foxsports.com/story/3212570

Jim: Not to mention steering clear of the entire Dominican Republic!

Dominican Republic: That’s not fair, Jim. We don’t all have herpes.

Haiti: Well, don’t try to blame us!

Because my DirecTV introductory offer is up in a few days, I’m going to be canceling their sports channel package (turns out it’s not going to be worth $12.00 a month to be able to watch “The Best Damn Sports Show Period” on 15 different channels). However, I took advantage of it one last time today to watch some spring training baseball…Tigers vs. Devil Rays, from “Progress Energy Park, home of Al Lang Field,” as the announcers were careful to say.

During one commercial break, there was a promo for Devil Rays tickets: two kids on the beach arguing about who’s better, Aubrey Huff or Tino Martinez. “Tino’s the man!” “Aubrey’s the man!” Meanwhile, there’s sand being thrown on them; eventually, the scene widens to show that Pansy the Wuss-Wuss Fish has constructed a giant replica World Series trophy out of sand. Then one of the kids yells, “We’re trying to make sandcastles here!”

Oh, yeah, Rays 11, Tigers 3, but to be fair, it seemed like the Rays were using a lot of actual players, while the Tigers were using a lot of players with uniform numbers above 70, including some 3-digit numbers.

Honorary hanger-on number 1

Entertainment Weekly, talking about Chris Rock on tour: “He travels with two iPods: one for music, one for comedy, with playlists including Buddy Hackett, Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner, Moms Mabley, Steve Martin, and Redd Foxx, among others.”

Edited later to explain further, since this is something Levi and I discussed pre-blog: we will be traveling with two iPods, one for music (mine) and one for comedy (Levi’s), although we will probably have more Jack Benny radio shows and fewer Moms Mabley routines than Chris Rock.

I just want to point this out for posterity: right now, as I’m looking at this blog, the two related-to-the-text-of-the-page “Ads by Google” at the top are headlined “Steroids For Sale” and “Buy Steroids Online.”

And then the “Related Searches” in the small print below the ads are “minor league baseball” and “Barry Bonds.”

Whetting Levi's appetite

I fired up the ol’ scanner tonight, and first of all, since the other attendees have already seen their tickets:

And this is the route map as it stands now. I have a feeling some portions may not be the AAA-approved routes, such as the “back way” to get to Yardley, Pennsylvania from the north (on U.S. 202 and state route 31), which involves going through some of the less smelly parts of New Jersey.

I’m sorry that my clumsy attempts to reduce the image size, not to mention my clumsy attempts to draw a line, made Mapquest’s beautiful cartography look like crap, but I’m not exactly working with the Adobe Creative Suite here. (This is the non-online, made-from-dead-trees 2004 Mapquest “Routemaster” spiral-bound road atlas we’re looking at, just in case you’re wondering why Mapquest.com doesn’t look that good when you use it.)

Another itinerary update

Stacey is now listed as an official hanger-on. If this keeps up, someone is going to end up riding in the trunk. Fortunately, Levi folds up into a compact package, and a flashlight and a couple of comic books can keep him occupied back there for hours.

Darn it, someone is already sponsoring Karl Rhodes’ page at baseball-reference.com. But, Tuffy, I thought what we had was special!