Author: Jim Ellwanger

As so often happens

Straight out of the baseball preview issue, this is Sports Illustrated’s predicted order of finish for the various leagues and divisions, with the teams we will be seeing on this trip highlighted:

NL East
1. Philadelphia Phillies (1x)
2. Florida Marlins
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Montreal Expos (1x)
5. New York Mets

NL Central
1. Chicago Cubs
2. Houston Astros
3. St. Louis Cardinals (2x)
4. Cincinnati Reds
5. Milwaukee Brewers (2x)
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (3x)

NL West
1. Arizona Diamondbacks
2. San Francisco Giants
3. San Diego Padres
4. L.A. Dodgers (1x)
5. Colorado Rockies

AL East
1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox (2x)
3. Toronto Blue Jays (1x)
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central
1. Minnesota Twins
2. Chicago White Sox (2x)
3. Kansas City Royals
4. Cleveland Indians (1x)
5. Detroit Tigers (2x)

AL West
1. Oakland A’s
2. Anaheim Angels
3. Seattle Mariners
4. Texas Rangers

Honorable mention to the Twins and Mariners, whose Midwest League teams we’ll also be seeing.

Love that dirty water

I’m sure the question on everyone’s mind is how the Red Sox victory was portrayed by television shows taking place in Boston. I haven’t heard anything about a special “Cheers” reunion, so all we have is David E. Kelley’s “Boston Legal,” which treated it in typical David E. Kelley fashion on Sunday’s episode. Turns out William Shatner’s character Denny Crane wanted to do two things before he died: see the Red Sox win the World Series, and have sex with a one-legged woman. After the first one came true, he was driving down the street when he saw a limping woman on the sidewalk, pulled over, ended up offering her a trip to Belize, and found out she was an undercover cop with two legs. Later, Denny and his colleague Alan Shore (played by James Spader) are in the chambers of judge Bill…

Bill: You thought she had one leg.
Denny: A trip to Belize is a fair and square deal, Bill. Hell, if I had a nickel for every woman I promised to marry in exchange for sex… Actually, I do.
Bill: I’m supposed to believe this? Your father told you the best sex was to be had with amputees, you saw this woman limping, and you were simply overcome?
Alan: You’re leaving out the most important fact here, your honor.
Bill: Which is?
Alan: The Red Sox. For years, many years, they have, at one time or another, made each and every one of us insane. Last October, when they lost the seventh game to the Yankees, crime went up in this city. It’s already predicted we’ll have a flood of August babies next year from celebration-induced pregnancies. The Red Sox make us lose ourselves, and in the wake of that team giving us what our hearts have yearned for all our lives, our parents and grandparents’ lives, we have fallen victim to a delirium that makes us believe anything – anything is possible, including, but not limited to, the notion that God put a fetching one-legged woman in this man’s path to commemorate the end of a wretched, horrible curse.
Denny: You know me, Bill. I have hookers all the time. They come to my house. Why would I pull over to the side of the road?
Bill: Go. Beat it.
Alan: Thank you, sir.
Denny: Buy you a drink, counsel?
Alan: I’d love to, but I have to tend to some business with a much less reasonable judge.
Denny: Thank you, Bill. (Pause) Who’s your daddy?

Near the end of the episode, there’s a touching scene in which Alan brings a one-legged woman to Denny’s office, and they toast the Red Sox.

Original comments…

Lucas: That was a pretty good episode.

Steve: Lots of good “baseball-related” stuff from the past few days. Wonder who will be the first to weigh in….

Levi: This week is one of my busiest of the year, but I hope to get to at least a roundup on Monday. Cause you’re right: lotsa stuff happening. Like the White Sox being interested in Carlos Beltran!

Dan: I’ll repeat this, I’m sure, with the roundup. But leave it to Denny Neagle and Jose Lima to make Jason Giambi’s admission of sticking a needle in his ass seem boring. Best offseason week evah!

(S)T(L) and sympathy

In 1996, Levi was in the U.K. and the Cardinals battled the Braves in the NLCS. The Braves beat the Cardinals 14-0 in Game 5, and then 15-0 in Game 7, becoming the first team to win the NLCS after being down 3 games to 1. So I mailed Levi, across the ocean, a sympathy card with a few news clippings enclosed.

This year, shortly before Game 4 of the World Series was about to begin with the Cardinals already down 3 games to 0, I stopped off at the drugstore and bought a sympathy card. There was no reason to include news clippings this time, so instead, so it was more than just a card, I broke out my disused colored pencils to do some illustration, making a certain logo into a sad and tearful Cardinal.

I was finished by the sixth inning, and we all know what happened next. I put it in the mail the next day.

The preprinted message on the right reads “Although no words of sympathy can ease the loss you bear/Still, may you find some comfort knowing others truly care.” Appropriate, huh? The message I wrote on the left reads, “Well, we’ll see what happens in the next 86 years… (signed) Jim.” There was a raised illustration of a bouquet of flowers on the front of the card, so I couldn’t draw on the bumpy surface on the left side (which I didn’t think about when I was buying the card). I think I did a pretty good job, except for the fact that I somehow managed to end up with the cardinal leaning backwards. It’s more straight up-and-down in the real Cardinals logo.

Original comments…

Levi: I don’t know that this presentation does the card justice. The crying Cardinal looks very, very sad.

But Jim, does the fact that you were working on this card during the final game mean that the Cardinals’ loss is your fault?

Jim: I was watching the game TiVo-delayed, so nothing I did could possibly have affected the outcome. At least that’s my excuse.

Jason: It looks like the Cardinal is about to fall backwards off the bat in despair. And nice lettering job! Could you now draw a happy Devil Ray to celebrate the escape from the AL East cellar?

Johnny Damon’s still in the news

A baseballrelated.com fan (and/or a Johnny Damon fan) passes along this link to an article about the Red Sox being honored before the New England Patriots game last night. I don’t usually watch the Sunday night football game, so I didn’t see it. (“The Lighthouse in the Forest”? Maybe I’m just unaware of how far out of town Foxboro is.)

I don’t watch "Clubhouse" and you don’t have to

“Clubhouse” is gone, although it’s a little unclear whether CBS has just pulled it for the rest of November sweeps or it’s been canceled entirely. (Either way, they’ve shut down production, but there are still a couple of episodes unaired.)

My TiVo didn’t even get the one episode that aired in the Saturday night time slot; because of the last-minute episode change a few Tuesdays ago, TiVo thought it had already recorded that episode within the previous 28 days. But I didn’t care, because the actual baseball playoffs had enough drama for me. Also, they were less preachy.

Original comments

Levi: Only something that would get the kids to watch could save that series. Something like . . . Scooter!

Dan: http://thebrushback.com/scooter_full.htm

Dan: That above link is quite dirty, by the way.

Election, shmelection

Time for something really important: an allusion to Johnny Damon in today’s “Get Fuzzy.”

Original comments…

Toby: Hilarious, Jim! Thanks for posting it. Levi, are you going to stay in a depressed state forever? Come on, snap out of it. Post something! Gold gloves, new managers, free agents, your picks for MVP, Cy Young… something!!

Jim: The current state of syndicated newspaper comics amazes me, because back when I was a kid and studied up on such things because I had dreams of being a cartoonist, it was always “you have to work eight weeks ahead, although maybe the syndicate will let you get away with six if you’re a big name.” But now because of all the speed-ups in the production and distribution processes, a cartoonist can work only a week and a half ahead. (The Yankees lost on Wednesday, October 20th, and this week of strips about them losing started on Monday, November 1st.)

Levi: No–it’s not baseball depression that’s keeping me from posting. It’s my heavy workload right now. That should lighten up tomorrow just enough for me to post, then get busy again for about a week, then lighten a bit through the end of the month. So I’ll be with it again soon. I’ve enjoyed this forum with Jim and you all way too much to let it die in the offseason. We may have to change the name to reflect the new season, but there’s no reason not to keep at it.

Jason: Speaking of comic strips, I just purchased “The Complete Peanuts: 1953-1954”. Are they still only going to come out with 2 per year? At that rate, I won’t be able to collect ’em all, since there won’t be any Social Security money left.

Levi: Was that Jason Kaifesh, or Andy Rooney? Seriously. Read his comment in your Andy Rooney voice and see how appropriate it sounds.

Hell, read everything in your Andy Rooney voice. It’s good for you.

Another potential benefit to the Red Sox win

This is an Associated Press photo of Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney removing a sign in Boston that is supposed to read “REVERSE CURVE,” but has often been graffitied to read “REVERSE THE CURSE,” and which has on this occasion been graffitied with a slightly different message…

According to the AP’s caption, the sign has been up for at least 33 years. Now, here’s the good news about it being removed: it’s nonstandard. It’s a warning sign, so according to the Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices, it should be black letters on a yellow background. You know, like one of these. So let’s hope the Massachusetts Department of Transportation or the city of Boston (I’m not sure who has jurisdiction over that sign) is going to replace it with better signage.

Score that play 1-3, and thus ends 2004

Well, Levi, aside from the fact that you had a rooting interest in the team that lost the World Series, I would hope you can agree with this statement: overall, this was a great baseball season. Maybe you wouldn’t use the emphasis, but I would (and did).

Original comments:

Lucas: My condolences, Levi.

Toby: Sorry, Levi. When are you coming home? I have a CD for you.

Dan: Levi, I feel your pain — ’twas me in ’00. I didn’t speak to anyone for days. And I still don’t like talking about it.

Steve: Even though it didn’t turn out right for the Cardinals this year, thanks to Levi and Jim for making this one of the most enjoyable interactive baseball seasons ever. This blog was like an angioplasty in the artery that led to my black baseball loathing heart. There are many things that still bug the hell out of me about baseball but this is neither the time nor the place. Thanks again.