Author: Jim Ellwanger

The cross-wits

The title of today’s Merl Reagle crossword puzzle is “Bawl Game,” and the theme relates to Tom Hanks’s line in “A League of Their Own,” featured as 111 Across (“THERESNOCRYING”) and 119 Across (“INBASEBALL”).

As it turned out, since there’s no crying in baseball, all the theme answers were missing a “WA” somewhere, including 35 Across (“Ex-Boston-N.Y.-Tampa player with over 3,000 hits”), 85 Across (“Grassless area on a diamond’s perimeter that lets a fielder know the wall is near”), the long one, 66 Across (“Post-home run comment”), and the one that took me the longest to get, 88 Across (“Try to fool a batter, perhaps”). Answers in the comments section.

Original comments…

Jim: 35. DEBOGGS
85. RNINGTRACK
66. HEREALLYLLOPEDTHATONE
88. THROCURVE (unlike all the other theme answers in the puzzle, the missing “WA” letters weren’t both removed from one word)

Luke: No wa? But you gotta have wa!

thatbob: Japanese fighting spirit!

What a trip we could have had

What if we had chosen Itinerary Number One for the trip? Well, I’ll tell you…

Saturday, May 22: Reds 8, Astros 7. What a game to start off the trip with!

Sunday, May 23: Brewers 2, Pirates 1. This one was much easier for Levi to score.

Monday, May 24: Blue Jays 6, Angels 5 (10 innings). They must have heard about our trip, because they keep having one-run games for us.

Tuesday, May 25: Expos 3, Braves 1. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, because there goes the one-run game streak. But the Expos won a game! And we had plenty of elbow room at Olympic Stadium, with attendance only 4,237 (including us).

Wednesday, May 26: Red Sox 9, A’s 6. Hooray for Johnny Damon! Not because he was the star of this game, but just on general principles, even if he did shave his beard just a few days ago.

Thursday, May 27: No game. We had talked before about maybe seeing the Red Sox or the Phillies two days in a row, but ended up not doing that, and both teams were blown out by the visitors today (A’s 15-2 over the Sox; Braves 6-1 over the Phillies).

Friday, May 28: Phillies 3, Braves 2 (10 innings). Another one-run game, featuring a walk-off homer.

Saturday, May 29: Indians 8, A’s 6. Hmm, the A’s seem to only be able to score 6 runs — no more, no less — when we’re in the stands.

Sunday, May 30: Orioles 7, Tigers 3. A four-run game? Inconceivable! Not to mention the fact that one of my favorite-named players, Ugueth Urbina, fell apart.

Monday, May 31: Cubs 3, Astros 1. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it was a little chilly in Chicago for Memorial Day, since I remember that it was that way in 2002 as well. Anyway, a good game to end the trip, even if we’re now sick of the Astros. And the Braves. And the A’s.

(Will I remember to start doing a day-by-day posting once we get around to July 17, the start of Itinerary Number Two, the way I should have done for this itinerary? We’ll find out together.)

Original comments…

Levi: This trip clearly would have been inferior to the one we are going to take, because this trip has no Cardinals games.

Stocking up, part 2

I thought I’d put this in the main body of the blog instead of in the comments to Levi’s post, since it’s important…more important for me, in fact, since it will be more inconvenient to turn back if I leave something behind before heading for the airport than if Levi leaves something behind before heading for Davenport.

You can’t get a car that runs on biodiesel and is comfortable for four people, or so Hertz claims. However, I believe every state we’ll be passing through will have cheaper gas than California, even Illinois, so I’ll claim it’s cheap every time we fill up. Ontario and Quebec will be more expensive, but it’ll still seem cheap because the price will be listed in Canadian dollars per liter.

I tend to have stomach problems for unexplained reasons, not after eating things like the Schmitter. When I do have them, though, Tums doesn’t cut it. I’m bringing Pepto-Bismol.

I’m pretty sure there is going to be a Canada-U.S. translation chart of some variety in the materials I’m going to get from AAA, if I ever manage to make it to their office.

Other things I should remember to bring:

1) The Red Sox and Phillies tickets for me and Levi.

2) Printouts of the hotel reservation confirmations.

3) My iPod and its various accessories, including the cigarette lighter charger, the AC charger and cable, and the cassette adaptor (on the off chance we get a car not only with a cassette deck, but with a cassette deck the adaptor will work in). In addition to the music (not solely radio station jingles), my iPod also contains my address book, and I’m going to put text files on it giving exact driving directions to the various places we’ll be staying, plus public transportation directions to stadiums (where applicable), and anything else I can think of that needs to be on there.

4) My digital camera and its battery charger.

5) My cell phone and its charger.

6) A bunch of nickels and dimes I have lying around that may come in handy for paying tolls.

7) My passport.

8) Sunscreen, since I have a giant tube of Coppertone Sport that’s still pretty full.

9) A rain poncho (which I need to buy unless I can find the one I thought I had).

10) Not directly related to the trip, but a videotape of television programming from a channel or channels that Levi and Stacey don’t receive, since they’d be disappointed if I didn’t show up with one. I’ve already got a 2-hour selection on my TiVo, although I have to get a working VCR between now and the trip. All I’ll say is that it’s not game shows.

Original comments…

maura: you are so organized! i started packing for my trip to seattle an hour before i had to leave my house, and i left my cell phone charger at home.

i did get to safeco field on monday night, though. it’s a very nice park; the roof was closed over the field, but there were gaps providing vistas into the city. unfortunately, we weren’t seated near the healthy food area, so we didn’t have the veggie dogs or ichirolls — we ate jumbo hot dogs. note to self: NEVER EAT JUMBO HOT DOGS AGAIN. not only were they, er, indelicately unwieldy, they were way too big. the garlic fries were great, though, and i had an iced latte as well (oh, whatever, it’s seattle, it’s okay there). also, i bought an action cam at archie mcphee, and i tried to take some photos of the game with it. we’ll see if they came out soon, i guess.

semi-related: that night, joe and i were sitting in our hotel’s bar/lounge area (we stayed at the w), and who should come walking into the lobby but: the entire blue jays team! i wonder if all the teams stay at this hotel, or if richer teams stay at the fancier places downtown.

Jim: You don’t think the W is fancy? The only reason I’ve ever set foot inside one is because that’s where Donna Cochener stayed when she was in L.A. for Maggie’s wedding, and Levi and I visited her there. You know she’s not going to stay anyplace non-fancy.

Did lots of trains go by while you were at Safeco?

maura: i saw donna on tuesday! we had lunch at noodle ranch. she is living in seattle now. anyway, the ‘fancier’ places i was thinking of were the boutique hotels with in-room jacuzzis and stuff. a-rod’s gotta soak!

only two trains went by while i was at safeco. both were freight trains.

Jeremy: I used to feel stupid for not owning a VCR that works, until I just found out Jim doesn’t either.

stacey: no game shows?

Jim: Sorry, Jer, I just bought a VCR on EBay. Of course, I still might not own a VCR that works, although the seller swears it’s an open-box item returned to the manufacturer because it didn’t work with RF cables, but it works great with RCA cables (which is all I need). Stacey: GSN, the channel formerly known as Game Show Network, has been very disappointing recently, even in the months before they shortened the name. I don’t know, maybe they’ll surprise me, or maybe some other channel will come up with some exciting game show(s), and I’ll have to bring two videotapes.

Donna Cochener: Always strange to find your name on the web… especially in a post on a baseball site regarding your proclivity to stay in hotels that provide a greater number of creature comforts. Jim, just so you know, I’ve stayed in some truly awful places. I even have photographic evidence — mushrooms growing from the ceiling of the bathroom, things like that.

If anyone has a desire to watch the Mariners lose a few games, you’re welcome to come visit me in Seattle. Hotel Cochener has one small room available — with en suite facilities, but no pool.

Jim: You can’t fool me…only the most upscale hotels have mushrooms growing in the bathroom. That’s the in-room salad bar.

Dodging the trolleys

Two recent pieces of news from the Los Angeles Dodgers: their organist Nancy Bea Hefley is playing a lot less than she used to, and they’re considering adding a mascot (no link available, but there was a story in today’s L.A. Times that, if today were April 1 and not June 1, I would have thought was fake).

I’m wondering if new Dodgers owner Frank McCourt doesn’t have some kind of “Producers”-style scam going on that depends on low attendance at Dodger Stadium. Raising ticket prices would have been too obvious, so he raised parking prices and concession stand prices, but that didn’t work too well, because people still keep showing up to the games. There were no spectacular free agent signings in the off-season, just a troublemaker acquired at the last minute. Yet the Dodgers are doing pretty well, so people still keep showing up to the games. Perhaps when the no-organ-plus-annoying-mascot plan doesn’t work, McCourt will make every night Free Beach Ball Night, in which every fan will get a free pre-inflated beach ball and will be encouraged to bat it around in the stands throughout the game. Oh, wait a second…

By the way, the Major League Baseball organist situation isn’t quite as dire as the Seattle Times column makes it out to be. Their list of organists is incomplete. For example, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have a live organist, believe it or not, to name one team they didn’t mention. His booth is next to, but not inside, the press box, and I was just a few sections over from it at the game last month. I only realized afterwards that I should have gone over there to see if he took requests.

Original comments…

Levi: Hey, don’t knock Milton Bradley.

As he said last year when sent down by Cleveland, “There seems to be one set of rules for Milton Bradley, and another set for everybody else.”

thatbob: Oh, see, I have a deep and profound love for annoying mascots that I’m surprised you don’t share, Jim. But at least if they get a Trolley Dodger, they’ll have to get a trolley, no? Wouldn’t that make you happy! LA hasn’t had one of those since, what, the 1940s?

I hope it’s a big pink and green trolley made of balloons and glitter that runs back and forth across the backfield. Isn’t that the kind you like?

Jason: Bernie Brewer was never annoying.

Levi: If the Dodgers get a mascot, who’s next? A big, stinky Red Sock? A plastered Trixie named Cubbina?

We can only hope.

Jim: The Red Sox have a mascot: Wally the Green Monster.

More tales of mass-produced baked goods

There were no Hostess Baseballs at Ralphs today. There were plenty of Hostess Zingers, though, which rhymes with a baseball term (“dinger”), and which used to be a product of the Dolly Madison company and therefore used to be advertised by the “Peanuts” characters! See how this all fits together?

Now, does this mean I’m supposed to fill my luggage with Zingers, or does it mean I’m supposed to show up with empty luggage if I can’t get Baseballs?

Original comments…

Levi: Surely you can make baseball-shaped snack cakes at home?

And you wouldn’t think of leaving home for a long trip without some Hostess Fruit Pies, would you? Especially since we’ve already discovered that Doctor Octopus, for one, is aware of our itinerary?

Come on, Jim. You’re supposed to be the good planner in this crew.

Steve: While I’m sure this will fall on deaf ears over at BRPA, maybe it’s time you guys should consider corporate sponsorship. Perhaps you can get Interstate Brands to donate a suitcase full of baseballs for your trip.

Interstate Brands Corp.
Consumer Affairs
12 E. Armour Blvd.
Kansas City, MO 64111.

The phone number is (816) 502-4010.

Jim: What do fruit pies have to do with Dr. Octopus…do we keep throwing them at him until he has one in each tentacle, thus making him unable to grab us and do harm to us?

Trying to get corporate sponsorship sounds like a job for Levi.

Levi: “What do fruit pies have to do with Dr. Octopus?”

While you were reading about trains, Jim, the rest of us were rotting our minds with comic books. Rotting minds and rotting teeth go together, so Hostess advertised their fruit pies extensively in superhero comics.

The ads were like this.

Jim: See, I only read Archie comic books, which didn’t rot your mind; they taught valuable life lessons such as the fact that brunettes are more desirable than blondes. Also, one character had an eating disorder (although the only consequence of it seemed to be the endless requests by Pop for him to pay his tab at the Chocklit Shoppe), so it’s no wonder Hostess didn’t advertise their products there.

Levi: When I was young, I had an Archie comic put out by Spire, a religious publisher. In it, some of Archie’s buddies drink and drive and die, and Archie and friends (including, if I remember right, a ringer who was just in that issue (much like the dying friends) so he could spout some biblical verse.

Freaked me out and put me off Archie until adulthood. Now I can enjoy him, but when I was kid, I stayed away.

Jim: I also had a couple of the Spire Archie comics, mistakenly(?) purchased by my mother at some point. I don’t remember the specific plot lines, but apparently, all the Spire Archies were about someone dying in a car accident, but not having to worry, because they were saved.

As a kid, I mostly bought the Archie digests, not the actual comic books, because that’s what they had at Publix…sometimes in the checkout racks next to TV Guide and the Globe Mini Mags, and sometimes in the magazines/greeting cards section at the right front corner of the store. (I believe the link is to a picture of the actual Publix store I’m talking about…if not, it’s absolutely identical, although the cars in the parking lot were slightly newer in my Archie digest-buying days.)

Jason: I had one of those religious Archie comics, as well. No car accidents, but instead the gang went to Africa to do missionary work. I think they ended up building a well for a poor village.

When I read it, I wondered why Archie got so preachy all of the sudden. Thanks for clearing it up, fellas!

Now ensconced on the iPod

This is only tangentially baseball-related because of the “Peanuts” connection, and because it has the potential to be played on the trip: thanks to Cartoon Network kicking off the summer season by showing “Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown” this morning, I now have the two songs from the movie on my iPod. Yes, one of those is the theme song, in which Larry Finlayson sings the profound observations written by Ed Bogas that “the sunshine is brought to you absolutely free” and that “when the sun sets down, it is gone, Charlie Brown.” It’s almost as good of a summer song as “Kokomo”! As far as I can tell, Larry Finlayson never did anything else in his life.

By the way, the All-Movie Guide description of “Race for Your Life” (sorry, I can’t link to it directly) lists some things that aren’t actually in the movie, but were in other “Peanuts” animated shows (and the strip, of course), most notably “Charlie Brown gets a ‘go away and leave me alone’ bunkmate.” Also, they claim it was made for TV (as opposed to a theatrical release), list Larry Finlayson as a songwriter (as opposed to a singer), and misspell Charles Schulz’s name. So, in conclusion, do not trust the All-Movie Guide, not even if you’re trying to look for additional credits for Larry Finlayson.

Original comments…

Levi: For my birthday, Stacey crocheted me a very nice red iPod cozy with a Cardinal on it. I’m willing to bet I’m the only person on earth with one of these.

Jim: A picture of the iPod cozy needs to be submitted to the iPod Lounge. Since I’m already a member of that site, I can do it if you e-mail me a picture.

Today’s baseball-related press release

CBS has a new drama coming this fall that’s baseball-related. Here’s their official description:

CLUBHOUSE (Tuesday, 9:00 PM) is a drama about a 16-year-old boy who becomes a man in a world of overgrown boys when he takes a job as a batboy for a professional baseball team. For the first time, Pete Young (Jeremy Sumpter) takes a risk – perhaps the only risk of his young life – when he applies for and lands his dream job as a batboy for the New York Empires. The problem is his single mom, Lynne (Mare Winningham), has no idea what he’s up to. Until now, he’s been the golden boy while his rebellious older sister, Betsy (Kirsten Storms), has always been in the doghouse. On the job, Pete becomes a part of a new family that includes Conrad Dean (Dean Cain), the team’s captain and star third baseman and one of the boy’s all-time idols who takes on the role of an older brother. Also, in the clubhouse is his boss, Lou Russo (Christopher Lloyd), a gruff but fair equipment manager who becomes a much-needed father figure; Rich (Marc Donato), a fellow batboy who just happens to be the general manager’s nephew; Carlos Tavares (John Ortiz), a rookie who believes that Pete is his good luck charm, and Jose Marquez (J.D. Pardo), the Empire’s territorial head batboy. Pete is over the moon at being a member of his favorite team, but he must still balance life at home and life in the big leagues as he faces the moral dilemmas and curve balls that life throws his way. Emmy Award-winners Aaron Spelling and E. Duke Vincent (“And The Band Played On,” “Day One”), Academy Award-winner Mel Gibson (“Braveheart”) and Bruce Davey (“The Passion of the Christ”), Daniel Cerone (“Charmed”) and Ken Topolsky (“Party of Five”) are the executive producers for Spelling Television.

Aaron Spelling! Mel Gibson! And it means I won’t have to look at Kirsten Storms on “Days of Our Lives” anymore! (Interesting that she’s the “rebellious older sister” on this show, since her character on “DOOL” is a goody two-shoes, younger than all of her half-siblings there.)

Original comments…

Levi: If only Boychick from San Pedro Beach Bums could be on the program. I wonder what he’s up to these days?

Jim: I seriously came very close to mentioning “San Pedro Beach Bums” in the original posting.

Looks like Boychick hasn’t done much with his career, to the extent that the only people he can get to submit information about him to the IMDB can’t spell “New Jersey” correctly.

But there is a connection: Stuf appeared in the “Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century” movies for the Disney Channel, which star Kirsten Storms as the title character, so maybe there’s hope for a guest-starring appearance for him on “Clubhouse.”

Jason: Anyone remember the short-lived Fox sitcom “Hardball”? At least, I think it was called Hardball. Anyway, it was a about a baseball team, the Pioneers, and all the wacky hijinks its players got into.

One of my favorite TV lines was said by Mike Starr, who later appeared as one of the mean toughs in ‘Dumb & Dumber’: “I love this guy! But not in the way you think. I want to have sex with him!”

It was so good, I used it in an episode of ‘Sucks to Yer Azmar’.

Eric J. Ritter: (*)(*)

wOOt!

Viveian: Kirsten Storms Rocks i canot wait to see her on CH!!~

Mike: Kristen Storen Storms is really HOT!!~

Jim: Is that you, Mike, my supervisor? Has closed-captioning “Days of Our Lives” finally driven you insane? We’ll talk when you get into the office.

Twice the baseball?

I’m surprised Levi didn’t mention this in the previous entry: that Cardinals-Pirates game that was rained out on Tuesday is most likely going to be made up as part of a doubleheader when the Pirates next visit St. Louis…which happens to be August 19th through 22nd, coinciding with our planned visit on the 22nd. So what are the odds they’ll choose to do a Sunday doubleheader, and we’ll get to see two games?

Original comments…

Levi: Have you worked up a doubleheader itinerary, in case every game we see ends up being a doubleheader? Can we make all the games if that happens?

And, on a side note, you do have a passport, right? Because I don’t think they let you into Canadia without one these days.

Jim: If every game ends up being a doubleheader? I don’t think that’s going to happen unless we get some “Day After Tomorrow”-style weather within the next couple of months but things clear up by mid-August. For now, the doubleheader plan involves getting up earlier and/or driving faster.

Yes, I have a passport. Don’t you have every post on this blog memorized?

Levi: I know it’s unlikely that every game would end up a doubleheader, but do you want to be caught short if that happens? What’s the only thing more impressive than ten games in ten cities in ten days? Why, it’s 20 games in 20 cities in ten days!

Jim: I think you mean 20 games in 10 cities in 10 days, unless you’re thinking the doubleheaders are going to be long enough that the home team is going to relocate between the two games. Which is a possibility for the Expos, I guess.

Baseball-related press release of the day

Major League Baseball reminds you to buckle up. Remember that, Levi, when you’re driving home from Wrigley Field…oh, wait. Actually, what I love is the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration spokesman’s awkward attempt to tie the message into baseball: “Just like a player would never face a 95 mph fastball without a helmet…” It’s almost up to the level of a fake advertising slogan Dave Barry came up with in a column some years back: “Hit a home run against nasal discharge!”

(Despite my mockery of the press release, I do agree with the underlying message. Why, I wear my seat belt at all times, except when I need to lean way out to use the drive-thru ATM or grab the Double-Double from the person working the drive-thru window at In-n-Out. But the car is stopped at those times, assuming I’ve correctly shifted into “park.”)

Original comments…

Levi: But what does Spider-Man have to say about buckling up?

Jim: “Since you probably can’t quickly shoot a protective stream of sticky webbing out of your wrists if it looks like you’re about to get into an accident…”

spidey: With the power of a drivers license comes the responsibility to buckle up.

Dr. Octopus: Don’t listen to him, the web-slinging fool!