Author: Jim Ellwanger

Scooter pie

The L.A. Times’ sports media writer, Larry Stewart, ended his column today by pointing out that 10 years ago, everyone hated the continuously on-screen score display when Fox introduced it, and now everyone loves it, so perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to judge Fox’s latest innovation, Scooter the Talking Baseball.

Well, there are a couple of faulty premises here. For one thing, I watched Fox’s first preseason NFL game in the summer of 1994 and remember that I thought it was a pretty good idea to have the time remaining on-screen throughout (and was indifferent, at worst, to having the score up there as well).

More importantly, I think even people who hated the on-screen score display could tell that there was a sensible rationale behind it. The entire rationale behind Scooter seems to be “kids will love to watch baseball on TV if there’s an animated talking baseball telling them what a fastball is, even if the game starts at 8:30 Eastern and lasts past midnight,” which I don’t think is sensible.

Also, when the on-screen score display was first introduced, it didn’t make any noise, unlike Scooter.

Original comments…

Levi: I still refuse to believe that Scooter exists.

Say it ain’t so, Joe

Today, my co-workers and I went out to lunch at the Chicago-style place at the corner of Verdugo Avenue and Hollywood Way in Burbank. Joe Mantegna was there with a couple of other people, but I could only hear brief snippets of his conversation over the noise of me chewing my hot dog. One of the snippets was something to the effect of “Baseball is retro, you know?”

Eventually, he and one of his lunch companions got into his Global Electric Motorcar and drove off. Yes, you’re right, I would not have expected Joe Mantegna to be in one of those, although they do look suspiciously like the kind of vehicle one might have expected to see a relief pitcher arriving in back in the 1970s.

Then Sean Hayes and an entourage showed up in a stretch limo. I didn’t hear him mention baseball, although we left soon after he arrived. No wonder I don’t watch “Will and Grace.”

(Edited later to add that I discovered Joe Mantegna and his wife own the place, so no wonder he was there.)

Phil ‘er up

One of the quirks of DirecTV is that they not only carry ESPN, they also have channel space reserved for what they call ESPN Alternate, which means that unless there’s some kind of blackout situation affecting your ZIP code, you have the opportunity to see both ESPN Wednesday night baseball games. So tonight, while Levi was forced to watch the Cardinals play the Astros on regular ESPN, I got my first look at Citizens Bank Park as the Phillies hosted the Marlins on the bizarre and strange world of Channel 210.

Now, the game actually lived up to its channel placement, and I certainly hope when we’re there in August, we can get a game that’s similarly bizarre and strange. The weirdness culminated in the bottom of the 9th with the score tied at 7, with Placido Polanco hitting a grounder to left field that ended up wedged under the padding on the wall. Jeff Conine threw up his hands and Polanco went all the way home, but the umpires only awarded him a ground-rule double. Larry Bowa ran out of the dugout and had a 5-minute-long apoplectic fit but managed not to get tossed out; after that performance, Jack McKeon came out of his dugout and had a slightly milder fit (because he’s 73 years old) that involved a lot of gesticulating at his watch.

Oh, yeah, and Mike Lowell was almost Tuffy-esque, which I guess we have to say whenever someone hits 3 home runs. Citizens Bank Park looks good on TV (a lot different than the Vet, obviously), even if it doesn’t have an existing building in the outfield the way Petco Park does. Also, it seems like their neon Liberty Bell should swing a little faster when it lights up for home runs. Actually, I’d like to get a closer look at whatever it is that’s forming the batter’s eye, which looks like nothing more than a tall brick wall with a suspicious jog in the middle of it.

Original comments…

Levi: Now, in today’s game, the two teams have had a bench-clearing brawl.

Man, I can’t wait to see Larry Bowa fired. Anyone who thinks he and his team are better off without Scott Rolen deserves to be fired, then rehired just so someone can have the joy of firing him again.

maura: my friend recently registered firebowa.com, or something similar.

i worked wednesday night’s game; it was definitely fun (the marlins reporter, one of my favorite to work with, made it even more so), although at around 11 or so i was idly wondering if i was going to be stuck in the office UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

Levi: Maura– Since there’s no time in baseball, officially, even the end of time wouldn’t end a game necessarily.

Raised on radio

Well, no wonder, considering the fact that the Cardinals have a gargantuan number of radio affiliates. I’m thinking you wouldn’t have had the same luck if you were driving through Florida trying to listen to the Devil Rays game, although I can’t imagine a situation where that would come up.

Next time your iPod freezes up, Levi, try resetting it, by flipping the hold switch back and forth, and then hold down the “play/pause” and “menu” buttons simultaneously for about 10 seconds, until the Apple logo displays on the screen.

(P.S.: I see there’s a show on WXRU that has a city in the title, but in reality has nothing whatsoever to do with that city. Where would they have ever gotten that idea? I’m not sure if I should be flattered, or join with WXLO-FM in their lawsuit. They ripped off those call letters from the former WOR-FM in New York anyway. Go to the link and scroll down for some info on that.)

Original comments…

Levi: I’ve been able to reset my iPod before by toggling the hold switch, then holding down the middle button, but I’ve not tried the menu/play button thing. Thanks.

Good ol’ baseball

“Peanuts” began on October 2, 1950, unfortunately at a time of year when it would be incongruous to draw kids playing baseball. But the first mention of it was less than a month after the debut, on October 27, with Shermy showing Charlie Brown a globe:

Shermy: So you see this proves that our Earth is round like a ball…
Charlie Brown: Like a baseball?
Shermy: Sure, like a baseball.
Charlie Brown: Like a basketball?
Shermy: Sure, just like a basketball.
Charlie Brown: I don’t believe it!
Shermy: Why?
Charlie Brown: No stitches!

Then after the long, cold winter, the first appearance of baseball equipment was March 1, 1951, when Shermy and Charlie Brown are wearing baseball gloves for a non-baseball joke. So what I would call the first “Peanuts” baseball strip is March 6, 1951, in which Charlie Brown is wearing a catcher’s mitt and a backwards baseball cap, and Shermy appears in the last panel with regular glove and cap in normal orientation…

Charlie Brown: Pitch to me, boy! Throw it right in here! He can’t hit it!! Just pitch to me, boy! Pitch to me! O.K., I’m all warmed up…let’s start the game!

(Yes, as you may have gathered, this arrived in my mailbox today. Perhaps I should have posted this under the heading “whetting Levi’s appetite,” since it looks like they’re shipping the pre-orders via Media Mail from Seattle, so he probably doesn’t have his copy yet.)

Original comments…

Levi: I’m still waiting for mine. In fact, I’ve taken to sticking my head in my mailbox every afternoon and shouting, “Hello in there!”

Last night, I was speculating with Stacey and Bob that Jean Schulz, in a final tribute to her late husband, had decided not to send the books after all, and to cancel the series, keeping alive the feelings of sadness, despair, and shattered hopes that Charlie Brown was so familiar with.

But Bob pointed out that the better idea would be for them to send books to all those who ordered except one person, leaving that person to wait and wait and wait while his friends talked about the book and posted to their weblogs about it.

Jim: Sometimes you call Fantagraphics: “Thanks for the copy of ‘Complete Peanuts’ you sent me.” They respond, “We didn’t send you any copy of ‘Complete Peanuts.'” Then you say, “Don’t you know sarcasm when you hear it?”

If it makes you feel any better, you have historically had better luck with women than I have. Of course, I can now use the pickup line, “Hey, want to come back to my place and see my copy of ‘Complete Peanuts’?”

No matter what the question is, the answer’s always "Jeopardy!"

I tried out for “Jeopardy!” today for the third time in three years, and passed the test for the third time, which means you get to play a brief mock version of the game and be grilled by the contestant coordinators. I mentioned this trip, and was asked what city/stadium I was looking forward to the most; I said Boston and Fenway, because I thought it would take too long to explain that I’m looking forward to all the stops for different and varied reasons. Then, when asked what I’d do with the money, I said maybe I’d do an “all 30” trip…but it’s probably a little too early to start planning that one, since they didn’t call me for the 2002-03 season, and they didn’t call me for the 2003-04 season. Perhaps the problem is that they calculate everyone’s expected winnings based on how well they do at the tryout, and I would blow the show’s budget.

Really, what I’d first do with my game show winnings is move to a place big enough to hold a pinball machine without it taking up half the space in the living room. And then I’d get a pinball machine.

Good grief, more baseball!

I saw “The Punisher” today, which was filmed in, and takes place in, Tampa. I don’t think I’m giving anything away here, since it was mentioned in several reviews I’ve read, but there’s a torture scene involving someone’s facial piercings and a pair of pliers. Perhaps it would have been more effective if the torture had instead involved attendance at a Devil Rays game.

I say that with love, of course, since the stars have aligned such that I will be in my hometown a mere three weekends from now, and I will be seeing the Devil Rays play the Rangers at Tropicana Field on Tuesday, May 11th. I guess technically, this counts as a new stadium for me, although I’ve seen both NHL hockey games and college basketball games there in its previous incarnations as the Florida Suncoast Dome and as the Thunderdome.

The answer you’ve been waiting for

Here’s the answer they gave on “Car Talk.” (Had to wait for it to be posted to the web site, since the show airs in L.A. while I’m at work on Saturday.) Levi is correct in the comments on the question (back on April 13) that this is a hard situation to plan for, and Luke is correct that they’d mention his pick-off move to first. If only we’d sent in the answer, perhaps we could have won a gift certificate for “Car Talk” merchandise.

RAY: The fact that his nickname was Lefty should help. Lefties have good pick-off moves. So imagine this: It’s the top of the ninth, and the game is tied. The opponents have a guy on first base and there are two outs. Lefty’s brought in. He doesn’t throw a single pitch. Instead he picks the guy off of first base.

Inning over. Did he throw a pitch?

TOM: No.

RAY: Bottom of the ninth, one of his teammates hits a home run, end of game, Lefty wins, gets his bonus, gets his thousand bucks, and the manager gets fired anyway.

Just when you had forgotten about the hockey robots

As is my habit, I watched my recording of last night’s “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” during the 5:00 P.M. hour today. Joe Buck was the third guest, promoting tonight’s Fox “‘Wonderfalls’ Memorial Friday Night Broadcast” of the Red Sox-Yankees game, and at one point, the topic turned to Fox’s new innovations for their baseball coverage this year.

Their discussion of one of the innovations led me to immediately start the TiVo recording the game, mainly because I wanted to see if it really existed, or if this was a bizarre example of Joe Buck’s deadpan sarcastic humor.

The innovation in question is Scooter the animated talking baseball, and he really does exist, much like the bubonic plague really does exist. Now, upon hearing about Scooter, Conan immediately did an impression of him, saying in a high voice, “Hey, kids, a slider moves from side to side!”

Since the game had already started, my TiVo recording only captured the third inning on, and I had to fast-forward all the way to the eighth inning, stopping only to admire Johnny Damon’s hair, before Scooter showed up. Now, first of all, referring to him as “animated” is an insult to actual animators, by which I mean that Fox just has him making one certain mouth movement over and over again while he’s supposedly talking; even the cheapest 10-frame-per-second cartoons never resorted to that sort of thing (in fact, the cheapest cartoon ever, “Clutch Cargo,” superimposed actual mouths on the drawings rather than have incorrect mouth movements).

And, as you might have guessed, Conan’s impression was almost perfect; the only fault was that it wasn’t long enough. Here is my transcript of the Scooter segment I saw: “What’s up, bros? This is Scooter. When Scooter really wants to scoot, it’s time for a little heat. The pitcher just rears back and throws me as hard as he can. Whoa! A good fastball comes so fast, a hitter has no time to react. Stee-rike!”

Anyone who thinks Tom Kenny should start limiting himself to HBO sketch comedy programs and maybe “Powerpuff Girls,” raise your hand. I thought so.

Original comments…

Levi: You must be making this up. Otherwise, there’s no hope in the universe. And I refuse to believe that.