Author: Levi Stahl

What pitchers think

Steve Kline, complaining about a balk call in the Orioles/Yankees game last night:

“Giambi called time. I stepped off the rubber. You could hear the Yankee bench yelling ‘Balk.’ Once you get hit for it once, the umpires look for it. That was a bogus call. I was deliberating whether to put [home plate umpire Foster] in the Cobra Clutch. It was a great game until that happened.”

I don’t think he meant this kind of Cobra Clutch.

Original comments…

thatbob: Wow, the Cobra Clutch, natural arch-enemy of the dreaded Camel Clutch!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional_wrestling_finishers

Our Prince has come

Fans of large ballplayers should raise a glass to Prince Fielder, who made his debut last night for the Brewers, going 0-4. Like his father, Prince is a large man, though he seems to have the potential to be an even better hitter than his dad. Believe it or not, I think it’s probably a genuinely exciting time to be a Brewers fan, as they seem to be assembling a core of actual baseball prospects.

If only they’d ditched Selig a decade ago!

Hospitality

I believe it is every team’s–and every fan’s–duty to make a trip to an out-of-town ballpark to watch his team as the visitors an enjoyable experience. I believe it’s incumbent upon fans not to shower abuse (or beer) in greater quantity than they would shower same on any hometown fan. I believe the correct response to “Is this Aisle 527?” doesn’t involve profanity.

But I don’t believe that hospitality should extend to playing a song the visiting team is familiar with from its home ballpark, so imagine my surprise when “Sweet Caroline” began blasting from the Wrigley Field speakers last night. Now, if the P.A. guy had, right after “Touching warm . . . touching you!” given the turntable a solid kick, sending the needle skittering and screeching across the vinyl, then it would have been okay. But just playing the song, straight, is like the French translating all the road signs just in from the Maginot Line into German.

Original comments…

thatbob: “Blasting from the Wrigley Field speakers…”?

Wrigley Field shouldn’t even have speakers that blast. That would solve your problem right there.

Ah, Wrigley

From today’s Tribune, a story about three guys being charged in a brawl outside the ballpark Sunday evening.

The two highlights of the story:
1) The guy they attacked, who was running a memorabilia stand, at the start of the verbal altercation identified himself as a police officer, off-duty . . . then the guys attacked him.

2) The last sentence of the article points out that police suspect alcohol to have been a factor in the incident.

The waiting game

Last night’s Cubs game, an 11-9 loss to the Reds, is most clearly summed up with the following:

The Cubs, in the course of getting 15 hits, one walk, and two extra baserunners on errors, allowed the Reds’ staff to get by with only 118 pitches.

The Reds, meanwhile, forced the Cubs staff–seven pitchers in the game, including four different lefties from the bullpen–to throw 202 pitches.

Adam Dunn–a BRPA 2004 favorite–managed to eat up 33 pitches all by his lonesome, going 2-4 with two walks and a home run.

The Cubs have, in the 13 years since I moved here and became a fan, never even come close to addressing their most consistent problem: their impatience. Only Grace–and New Sammy for a few years–understood the value of getting into a hitter’s count.

Now, to be fair: when Eric Milton is pitching against you, the best method really might be to close your eyes and swing at whatever, since he gives up an astonishing number of homers (four last night). But when hacking is your approach for every plate appearance by every hitter, you should probably have a talk with your hitting coach and your general manager.

Meanwhile, in St. Louis, the Cardinals drew eight walks and won 5-3 over Milwaukee, running their record to an NL-best 13-5.

Original comments…

thatbob: And I thought Milwaukee was unbeatable!

Big time

While the comments are down and I’m busy with work, you’re all welcome to enjoy this article from ESPN.com‘s Page 2 on the all-time all-fat team.

While many in the audience will be disappointed that John Kruk didn’t make it, they should remember that it’s no shame to lose out when a team is being assembled from all of major-league history, just like it’s no shame not to make the Hall of Fame. Many very, very good players will never make the Hall of Fame, and many very, very fat players will never crack the all-fat team.

Opening night

Could we possibly ask for a better Opening Night game?

Sunday night, we get the World Champion Boston Red Sox at Yankee Stadium against the World Champion (Choker Division) New York Yankees.

For the second year in a row, Johnny Damon will be our first sight of the baseball season, stepping into the box in all his glory.

And on the mound, we get pure contrast. David Wells v. Randy Johnson. Junkballer v. Flamethrower. One of the roundest guys in baseball v. the tallest, skinniest. They ought to go on the road as a comedy team. They’re listed at Baseball-reference.com as weighing the same, despite the Unit’s six-inch height advantage. Now that’s comedy.

It’s time. Y’all are invited for chili and corn bread.

It’s that time.

Prediction time. Everyone should make picks in the comments. And remember: pick the Braves. It’s evil, but it’s better to hate them now than to hate them later.

AL East: Boring

Red Sox
Yankees
Some other teams

AL Central: Not that good
Twins
Indians
Sox
Tigers
Royals

AL West: Where the action is
Anaheim
Oakland
Texas
Seattle

NL East: Dan’s division
Atlanta (Sorry, Dan.)
Philly (Sorry, Dan.)
Florida (Sorry, Dan.)
New York
Montreal

NL Central: The one you’ve all been waiting for
St. Louis
Chicago
Houston
Cincinnatti
Pittsburgh
Milwaukee

NL West: No Barry, no excitement
LA
San Diego
Arizona
San Francisco
Colorado

Tom Tippett over at Diamond Mind has done his usual 100-season simulation, and he has the Cardinals winning an average of 103 games and taking the division title 99 times. While I do think this is the strongest Cardinals team I’ve ever seen going into the season, I’m not quite as confident as that. Diamond Mind, for example, while taking account of injuries, assigns them more or less randomly, from what I can tell from Tippett’s explanation. The Cardinals are relying on a couple of old guys who are very, very good, which means there’s a chance that those guys will be very, very hurt.

But the only real competition, the Cubs, are relying on a rotation that has its own durability questions, a bench and bullpen that have chances to be catastrophically awful, and on an offense that has done nothing to change its habit of making a lot of outs.

So despite October’s Washington Generals impersonation, I’m with my guys again. I know October 2005 is a long, long way away, but here’s to back-to-back pennants.

And you folks?

Original comments:

Anonymous: How come you switched in the middle of the list from team names to city names?

Levi: No excuse: I was in a hurry this morning and edited poorly. That also explains why I have no links in the post.

thatbob: Baseball Related comes with a free predictions archive this year? Kewl! Introducing my first-ever sports predictions of any kind in any sport, informed by 2 days of game play, but still relying mostly on how much I like the teams.

ALE:
Sux
Sox
Js
Oos
Pansies the Wuss-Wusses

ALC:
Tuffies
Tweens
Sox
Racists
Caseys

ALW:
Proppas
LAAOAs
Microsofts
Dubyas

NLE:
Dans
Racists
Phans
Fish
Senators

NLC:
Cards
Cubs
Beers
Reds
Arrs
Orbities

NLW:
Dads
Rocks
Trolleys
Gnats
Snakes

Bud, Mickey’s, Schlitz, Coors, PBR, High Life, Red Stripe

The headline is the brands of beer that alcoholic former minor-league pitcher Morris Buttermaker (Walter Matthau) drinks in The Bad News Bears. Or at least, those are the ones I saw and remembered. It’s entirely possible that he drank more varieties, because he’s constantly drinking beer.

Luke, Sandy, Sarah, Stacey, and I watched The Bad News Bears Friday night, after I had read a couple of recommendations of it online from baseball fans who loved it as a baseball movie. And they were right. I had seen it when I was about three, but unlike another movie I saw when I was three, it didn’t leave very clear memories.

I feel like I shouldn’t say much about the details of the movie, because I think everyone who regularly reads this blog–all, what, eight of you?–would greatly enjoy it and should hie thee to the nearest video emporium, take its dusty box to the counter, and enjoy it in the company of a friendly six-pack. It’s funny, and it’s surprising, and it’s not hokey, and it’s utterly impossible to imagine being made in anything close to the same way today. (Don’t mention the remake. Unless Bill Murray’s got the Walter Matthau role, it’s going to suck.) I tend to be suspicious of aesthetic or artistic creeds–stifling little things, aren’t they–but if you were to pin me down, make me choose a style or tendency in movies (and, to some extent, in books), I’d pick works of art that mostly show–without making a pretense of being truly real–people going about their business in the world. A lot of my favorite films–Yi-Yi, Maborosi, George Washington–are a bit that way. And that’s what’s most surprising to me about The Bad News Bears: it’s a sports movie and a kid movie, and it fits more or less into the sports and kid movie patterns, but it has a rhythm and sensibility of its own that hew much more closely to real life than anyone would have expected.

And it loves baseball. The baseball scenes are great. The swearing is great. And the talk about baseball is great, and funny. Rent it while you wait for Sunday night’s game.

Original comments…

Toby: Unbelievable, Levi. This movie has been playing on HBO the last month and I have watched it about 10 or 15 times. Like you, I hadn’t seen it since I was a kid and, like you, I appreciate it so much more now than I could have then.

I think one of the things that’s so great about it is that everyone can identify with one (or more) of the Bears. At age 10, I had Timmy Lupus’ ability and Albert Ogilvie’s personality wrapped up in Mike Engleberg’s body. My best friend, Troy Nelson, was Kelly Leak to a “T.”

I would peg you for identifying with Ogilvie.

Plus, is there any better ending line for a baseball movie than “Just wait ’til next year…” (uttered by Lupus)

I’m also very hesitant to watch the remake (which will star Billy Bob Thornton and Greg Kinear) when it comes out…

I just downloaded the prelude to Bizet’s Carmen from iTunes (the theme used in the movie). This is a scary coincidence, Levi.

thatbob: So, any more thoughts about coaching a Little League team of your own? I understand there’s an opening at Cabrini-Green ever since Keanu had to go fight demons.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180734/

Some things gold can stay

To distract you all from the rat and pony show going on in DC today*, here’s a bit of good news passed on by BRPA reader Becky:
Five Red Sox players (Varitek, Millar, Mirabelli, Wakefield**, and our own Johnny Damon) will soon appear on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but Johnny Damon has refused to cut his hair for the show. His reason? Because of his forthcoming book, he’s contractually obligated to keep it long! What a great idea! If anyone can get Craig Wilson to sign such a contract, please do. And while you’re at it, maybe get Matt Morris to sign something promising to shave that fungus off his chin?

*Excuse me if I can’t get worked up about publicity-hungry Congressmen feigning outrage over what Mark McGwire might have jabbed in his ass. Once our esteemed representatives can bother to get themselves worked up enough about, say, the fact that our troops were sent, ill-equipped and without a plan into a war of choice, then I’ll perk up when they want to grandstand about how baseball is harming our kids.

**Is being a knuckleballer the closest thing, in baseball terms, to being gay?

Original comments…

Jason: Were our representatives ever esteemed?

Jim: Similar sentiments were expressed on “The Daily Show” this week with regard to the steroid hearings, but I’m pretty sure Levi doesn’t watch “TDS” (it’s too hard if you don’t have a subscription for your TiVo), so this post was wholly original, not just the part about Craig Wilson.

Toby: Levi, Nice reference to the Robert Frost poem (which is also somewhat a reference to the Stevie Wonder song, “Stay Gold”) in the header. And yes, I believe being a knuckleballer is… (I laughed out loud when I read that)

thatbob: I think that now, more than ever, being gay in baseball is probably the closest thing to being gay in baseball. But being a knuckleballer might be the closest thing to being, say, a practicing Zoroastrian in baseball. (I was going to say being a practicing Zen Buddhist philosopher in baseball, but then I remembered Yogi Berra was a catcher.)

Levi: Yeah, I should clarify what I meant: clearly, the closest thing to being gay in baseball is being gay. But, since baseball is self-defined as macho–and straight–but the knuckleball is both not macho and not generally trusted, by non-knuckleballers, pitching coaches, and teammates, I think the grudging acceptance of a good knuckleballer by his teammates–i.e., “He’s on our side, so he’s okay, I guess.”–would be, I posit, kind of similar to the way a clubhouse would, after an adjustment period, deal with a teammate whom the team members learned was gay.