I was reminded today of one of my very favorite baseball nicknames: Cincinnati Reds first baseman Sean Casey is known as “The Mayor.” Apparently the nickname was bestowed on the reportedly down-to-earth, treat friendly, prostate outgoing Casey in the minor leagues because he seemed to know everyone in town.

Oh, and he did a good thing last year. Afterwards, do you think he drove off in one of these?

Cardinals lefty reliever Steve Kline–he of the nastiest cap in the majors–missed a few games early in spring training with gout.

I didn’t think people got gout anymore. Sure, the wealthy used to, because they ate terribly and way too much. Ben Franklin, you may remember, had a little talk with his gout. But nowadays?

And even more impressive: Steve Kline says he gets a case of the gout every spring. What do you think that man eats?

I suppose it’s not the weirdest ailment to sideline a ballplayer. Remember when the versatile, arachnaphobic Glenallen Hill was injured waking up from a nightmare about spiders?

Oh, and if you’ve been wondering how much better advertisements for some products would be if Steve Kline were pitching them, the Internet, as always, is here to remind you that someone’s already thought of everything.

Tony Womack may be a great guy. He may work very hard. He’s a far better baseball player than I’ll ever be. But he’s not a good ballplayer at this point. He hasn’t really done anything very successfully on a baseball field since he eliminated the Cardinals from the playoffs in 2001. Which, as you might imagine, still rankles.

And now he’s a Cardinal.

But at least he has a purple Lamborghini!

As the folks at the Cardinals Birdhouse say, “How can you not like a guy who has a purple Lamborghini?

One more politics post before I leave it behind like Bonds blowing past Willie Mays.

There are a couple of sites that allow you to search FEC records to see who has donated what to whom. This one lets you search for any contributions made to presidential campaigns this election cycle. One entertaining feature is that you can search by ZIP code and see what your neighbors are giving.

This site has, for some reason, the 1997-98 and 2000 election cycles. It seems to be much more comprehensive, too, including contributions to PACs and congressional campaigns.

So what’s this have to do with baseball? You can look up ballplayers! And owners!

Since I spend most of my time worrying about the National League Central, I thought I’d look up the owners of the teams in that division.

Cardinals: I already knew that Bill DeWitt, Jr. of the Cardinals was a Forest Ranger or Space Pirate or whatever Bush called people who raised a certain number of billions for him. But he’s also given thousands in soft money to the Republicans and thousands in direct money to John Ashcroft.

Cubs: Owned by the Tribune Company. If you read the Chicago Tribune’s editorial page any time between, say, the Lincoln administration and today, you already know where their money is going.

Reds: Owner Carl Lindner gives insane amounts of money to both party central committees, but on balance, the GOP takes home more of the money Reds fans (not to mention the residents of Cincinnati who funded that ballpark) cough up. Sadly, for both Lindner and the GOP, attendance at Reds games wasn’t helped quite as much as they hoped it would be by the new park.

Houston: Owner Drayton McLane likes to give to Tom DeLay. And Elizabeth Dole. And Craig Biggio, if you count extending his expensive contract beyond the point when he will be a good player a political contribution.

Pittsburgh: Pirates owner Kevin McClatchy is an oddity among MLB owners. He mostly gives to Democrats, in amounts in the low thousands of dollars. He did, however, write one check to Rick Santorum, for $250. The very smallness of the check in relation to his other donations makes me imagine him wrinkling his face in disgust as he wrote it, considering it a cost of doing big business in Pennsylvania.

Milwaukee: Ah, yes. Have you heard me rant about Selig? Well, despite his union-busting and serial lying, Allan H. Selig is on the same side as me here, with him and his family members giving across the board to the Democrats.

What’s most interesting in this is that nearly all these owners have given–freely, I’m sure–amounts ranging from $1500 to $7500 to the Office of the Commissioner of Baseball Political Action Committee. I guess that committee is one of the ways MLB convinces people like James Sensenrenner to lob softballs at the Commissioner during congressional hearings.

Oh, and ballplayers? Turns out they just don’t give much to anybody, despite having loads of the ready. I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me. Al Leiter, noted Republican and boyishly cute pitcher, did give to Jim Bunning’s senate campaign. From which filing I learned that Al’s full first name is Alois.

And Tony LaRussa gave to a Democratic congressional candidate, which doesn’t surprise me, seeing as he’s a vegetarian and animal-rights activist.

Weirdest of all so far? Steve Garvey, noted conservative first baseman, gave Bill Bradley $1000.

That’s it for politics, unless Jim wants to go through the rosters of all current teams in order to see which players donated to legislators who have supported Amtrak?

Because I’ve been more or less obsessed with the presidential race for months now, I was thinking today about how we could do our part during our trip in getting Bush out of office. I’ve got a few ideas.

1) We could have friends and relatives and coworkers pledge money for each of several types of discrete baseball event we see. For example, people could pledge to give the Kerry campaign a quarter per single, fifty cents per double, maybe a dollar per triple, and seventy-five cents per home run. A nickel per strikeout. A penny per swear word overheard in the bleachers at Fenway. Two dollars per extra inning. We could really go nuts and have the truly flush pledge $25 per beanball, $50 per ejection, $100 per menacing confrontation around the mound, and $200 per legitimate brawl. A no-hitter would come in around $500, and a perfect game would cap the person’s legally allowable election cycle donation at $2,000. A Brewers or Tigers win would force the person to split his or her donation of $4,000 between the Kerry campaign and the Obama campaign.

And since the Bush campaign has names for people who are able to bundle huge amounts of cash (I have a name for them, too, but it’s inappropriate for a website on such an all-American topic as baseball.), maybe we should name ourselves when we hit $50,000 raised. Suggestions, Jim?

2) We could paint “Kerry for President” on our chests and take off our shirts. This tactic would be likely to get us more attention at the games which include female hangers-on. Maybe we could coax Morganna the Kissing Bandit out of retirement?

I’ve been thinking about how I would go about promoting the Devil Rays, if that were part of my sentence for some particularly heinous crime.

It’s tough. You can’t try to convince people that you’re going to win, because they’ve been watching for six years and they know which Sandberg you have on your team.

You can’t tell them about hope for the future, because even a casual fan can see that there’s no hope in the near future of passing the Orioles, let alone the Blue Jays, Red Sox, then the Yankees.

And you can’t use the Wrigley Field approach, selling drunken fun in the sun, because you play here.

You can’t even sell the team on the nine games they play against the Yankees at home, the only games that the mostly-100-year-old retirees from New York City who comprise your market care about. After all, it’s only nine games, and the Devil Rays know they’re bound to lose seven or eight of them.

So maybe the Devil Rays do have the right idea with the silly ad Jim described of the kids discussing the merits of Tino Martinez and Aubrey Huff. You’ve got to go for the kids. But, as in most activities, the D-Rays are going about this the wrong way. Here’s the text of my radio ad, which would run on, like, Radio Disney.

“Kids. Are you stuck visiting at Grandma’s house with NOTHING to do but watch Wheel of Fortune? And you can’t go anywhere because you can’t drive and our public transit system is nonexistent? And there are no other kids in the neighborhood because the only kids in Florida are at Tomorrowland right now?

I bet your Grandma doesn’t even have any video games.

That’s right. Being at Grandma’s sucks. It might be the only thing that sucks more than . . . . YOUR TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS!

Get Grandma to drop you off at the ballpark today! Tropicana Field: it’s the best place in Tampa to run around like a deranged orphan!”

I suppose I should give my email in case the Devil Rays want to give me a consulting contract. Oh, and the ad should be read in a wacky, kid-friendly voice.

Oh, those poor Devil Rays. You know it’s bad when your commercial is based on a premise (two kids being Devil Rays fans) that is so unlikely that even that Cadillac ad using Led Zeppelin seems more realistic.

But maybe that’s their idea. They want to distract viewers with the only premise less likely than the Rays winning 75 games?

I’ve been thinking about the match-ups we’ll see on our trip, and which teams we’ll be rooting for. I think Jim would agree that the default, absent other reasons to root for (Say, that they’re the Cardinals) or against (Say, that they’re the Braves) a team, would be to root for the home team.

But mitigating factors do affect several games on this trip. So here’s my first pass at the rooting plan:

Game 1: Swing
Game 2: Cardinals
Game 3: White Sox (over the Tigers. Sorry, Detroit, but local interest comes first.)
Game 4: Red Sox (over the Blue Jays. Sorry, Toronto, but toppling the Yankees comes first.)
Game 5: Expos
Game 6: Red Sox
Game 7: Phillies
Game 8: Cardinals (over the Pirates. Sorry, Pittsburgh, but you guys had to see this one coming.)
Game 9: White Sox (over the Indians. Sorry, Cleveland, but that team name’s got to go. And take that offensive logo with it, why don’t you?).
Game 10: Ooh. This is a tough one. I want to root for the Brewers over the Pirates, because they’re the home team and I love Wisconsin. But I just don’t know that I can root for a team owned by Bud Selig. I may have to root for the Pirates, despite their being owned by Kevin McClatchy.